37 ON THE 7th IN 2017

There are things that you desire so much, so so much that you suddenly refuse, without realizing it.
Those things you thought you couldn’t dare, but that you decided to dare, then, and that made you surrender to the fact you shouldn’t have to dare it.
And it’s absolutely absurd how much liberating is to stop to desire them.
It is emptying, disabling, but liberating.
Without that thought and that wait, you certainly feel more lonely, but lighter.
More disappointed, but more adherent.
More defective, but more sufficient.
Those things that do not arrive have the fundamental function to turn over hidden and lethargic impulses we thought not belonging to us anymore.
Those things that do not arrive, actually do it and tackle our lives, they make us smell, recognize, desire them and when you are going to bite them, they turn their back on you.
And what did you get?
The will you had, the strength you showed, the hope you found, the life you lived.
You don’t have to surrender the human and self-pity thought you lost your time, you made a fool of yourself.
Because of course we lose our time and we made a fool of ourselves.
Would you prefer to spend that time sitting on your sofa without an obsessive thought, without a wish, without a jump?
I can’t believe it. Not me.
Each folly, each mistake I made, each person I dared were ATTEMPTS.
Can you hear how ATTEMPTS word sounds? Do you taste its aftertaste of possibility?
Do you perceive it in the instant you are attempting because you are believing in it?
Well, this is the perfect moment, in which you are doing something for you.
Look at me, for instance: I was born on this day.
Or maybe, today, I’ll be born again.
People say that birthdays should be something for themselves, that we should dedicate them to ourselves.
I’ve never done it, until today.
Today I’m doing it.
Today I’m not here.
Today I’ll be born.
Yes, because you can be as strong as you want, but then you give up.
Then you surrender.
And I’ve done it and it was liberating, it was so beautiful to relax muscles and slow down.
If only I did it before. If only I did it better.
Also because, when you do it, it’s always a phase that will end, then.
Then. But when, exactly? I don’t know, but it ends.
And I surrendered. That moment of vacuum-led vertigo was beautiful.
Everybody should experience it because it’s so beautiful to get lost
into a city
into a pair of black eyes
into fear
into safety.
If you don’t get lost, you won’t look for yourself and you cannot find yourself.
Well, this year I got lost and I slightly basked in this confusion: I decided to concede it to myself.
I decided I deserved to lose myself and let myself go, to collect my thoughts; those who love me would understand it.
Everybody seeks balance but, without ups and downs, it could not be balance, it is only standing on a stationary and secure position.
Hi, I’m Valentina and today I turn 37.